Suave VS Dork
by munching muffins
Summary: -6959,1859, MukuroGokudera, HibariGokudera- "Gokudera, would you like to be seduced or romanced?" "Who cares? It doesn't make a difference when they're both undressing me with their eyes!" Crackish OOC, Oneshot.


_Suave VS Dork, a 695918 fanfic_

by_ Jasune Hokairi_

_KHR property of Akira Amano_

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In which Dino was thrown into the mess for reasons unknown.

Personally he was only trying to be nice—if not downright sloppy—to his junior Sawada Tsunayoshi by attending one of them guardian meetings occupying his schedule—no doubt arranged by a suggestively mental infant with swirly sideburns. Was babies supposed to have sideburns? He was doomed to think of his former mentor in such a way.

Anyway, the tenth Vongola boss only let him attend one of his meetings and he choose the one rescheduled over five times in a month in about five in the evening, oblivious to his doom as always. He had wondered why it was scheduled so many times and why was it filled under '_of no importance' _of Reborn's agenda. The world may never know.

Back to the present, Dino twitched his leg under the table and tried to keep a cheerful grin despite the pressuring, gloomy aura given off by the two men in front of him. He was never experienced as a counselor or a therapist in this matter.

_He agreed to this, he agreed to this, he agreed to this, _he chanted mentally as if it was a mantra to get the Mist and Cloud guardian to stop glaring at each other. Unsurprisingly it didn't work. If anything it just made his leg twitch harder against the ground, tapping rapidly as he flipped his papers absent-mindedly. Why was this get-along assignment harder that it should be?

"So..." the blond Cavallone boss flipped the file he was holding. Nothing except personal profiles, mission progress, yada yada. "What have you two been up to?"

Mukuro blinked, breaking the staring contest he and Hibari were having. He shifted to the twenty-something man with a smug expression before returning his gaze back to the prefect. "Kufufufu, didn't you know? We did it just last week."

The Namimori prefect's face was blank. A tad surprised, but still blank. As expected—except the surprised part. Heck, no one even thought Hibari Kyouya was capable of showing such emotions. Well, enough of that. "Oh really? He must have been sore because you kept demanding. I couldn't have thought less."

Mukuro was only inches—scratch that, millimeters—from strangling the dark haired boy and poke him in the eye with his trident or a pencil that will suffice. Or just flip him from that ego of his. "What are you implying? That I can't have him hit off of me?"

"I'm implying you can't make him moan after one stroke." Hibari finished arrogantly, flipping his tonfa and spun it around effortlessly.

"So you're saying that you can?"

"I can if I want to."

"Aha! So you admit you can't!"

"Hmph. At least my kinks have more effect on him that yours."

"Well, I'll have to lose on that on—wait, you made him do bondage on your first night? That's cheating! On second thought, my illusions are way better that yours."

"Oh, what did you do? Tell him _this is my territory, you're mine,_ and all that domination crap?"

"For the record, he was totally into that and—"

"Um, guys?" Dino cut them off as he flipped his hand to Romario and ordered mild-black coffee. At least he was still sane enough to have his last sip. "I'm still here. I can help you guys, though I'm not sure I want to know what you two were talking about."

"He had a slim body."

"Uh-huh." Dino mumbled as he crossed something from the file. He did that because he saw a movie with a doctor scribbling on his paper. Well, what do you expect him to do?

"He had smarts."

"Hn." Cue another scratch on the paper. Scribble, scribble...

"He had to most gorgeous silver hue on his head."

Something about a dolphin crossed his mind—and a pen stroke away from doodling said sea mammal. Nah, that's just too far.

"And by hue I meant hair." Oh.

"He had gorgeous lime green eyes." There was an X on the paper. More scribble, scribble...

"He has a great pair of legs and yummy derriere!" Say what? Oh, great. Now he lost a game of tic-tac-toe against himself.

Dino sighed as he scrunched the bridge of nose. Why hadn't realize it before? Those two were in an emotion no other male would dare to talk about. He couldn't even bring himself to speak. At least he was straight. Maybe. Perhaps. Fifty percent?

He doesn't know anything anymore.

Come to think of it, he always thought the two were—sadly—interested with his little junior bro. The Italian half-breed Gokudera shouldn't have suffered all these men's attention, nor should Tsuna. He silently prayed that they were interested in how tight the bombers legs were bound inside those jeans instead of how the dress shirts or shirts cling to his mid-pubescent body. That's just how dressed, honestly! It's not like Dino can just tell him what to wear! Not like the latter would listen to him much.

Had he been thrown inside a manga with pretty boys in love with each other at some point?

After a few moments of Dino tuna-gapping on the sofa—midway sipping his bitter beverage—and concealing himself from Mukuro and Hibari's death glare and/or aura, he decided to fish out his cell phone and dialed Gokudera's number.

...

* * *

There was something he actually learned: Gokudera was easily sloshed. Alcohol be damned.

"I'mean... whassup with these two?" the lime-green eyed silverette hiccupped. "We only has a fling and they was all over me!"

That and he sloshed down his Japanese grammar along with him.

The blond Cavallone would have dragged those three into a much private location but he didn't feel like being a third wheel. Or be a spectator for a threesome show he didn't even want to see. Or being shoved down a chimney by a silverette and his accidental minions. None that qualifies.

Hence they somehow ended up in a bar, non alcohol-free.

Somehow surrounded by pretty girls in separate tables, but his two clients kept clinging onto Gokudera and badmouthing each other every ten seconds. Meanwhile the former pianist slash main objective of the therapy was sloshed after five glasses of vodka and—miserably—tried to put up with everything around him. Dino decided he finally knew what it feels to be a damsel in distress.

Dino's recipients were in a very awkward position; Mukuro, Gokudera, and Hibari stuck themselves in one window seat table side. Mukuro was the closest to the wall with his left hand circling Gokudera's waist and ever-so-slightly tried to pinch his butt. While Hibari—for the love of Enzio's dinner portion, he didn't see this coming—was circling his arms around Gokudera's neck and tried to get close to Gokudera's face—it's hard to blame, he thought the Japanese prefect was asexual sometime ago. Lo and behold, they're both still glaring.

"Well, okay." Dino said as he scribbled on his tissue. No, it wasn't tic-tac-toe. "How about the next question? Um, how about you tell me what have you done to them that made them act like that? You know, clingy jealous and all?"

Gokudera sighed, trying hard to keep sober and failing hard at it too. "How should I know? I was drunk, they took me home, we did _that_, and I woke up with a hangover between my legs! How's that for clingy?"

"How were you approached? Did they seduce you or something? Or have you been in a relationship so romantic that—"

"Would it make a difference if both methods are undressing me with their eyes?" Gokudera deadpanned.

"I suppose not. But what if the two are asking for another round? Would you comply?"

"Che. Whatever." The silverette excused himself from the trio and shuffled to the exit. Behind him, the indigo-haired and the black haired men turned to him with sparkles in their eyes.

_Gokudera (Mukuro and Hibari vision):_

"_Come and get me boys~! –Insert wink here-" _

Dino face palmed as his clients jumped out of their seats and chased after the former pianist. He even sweat dropped when he saw those two dragging the poor silverette smoker on the asphalt. Well, at least they're getting along for now.

* * *

Dino thought he could go home after finishing his job with the counseling of the two Vongola family members last night. He was whistling when he caught the mismatched eyed man and the Namimori prefect half-lidded, half unconscious on the floor, bruises on most parts of their faces and dark bags under their eyes.

"Next time, tell me when you don't pack any handcuffs." The illusionist said breathlessly.

"Oh, shut up."

Dino couldn't help but chuckle and continued his whistling. _Pfft, dorks. _

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* * *

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Uploading stories have been hell these days -_-;

Well, just a little thing that couldn't get off me. Hence the catasthropic storyline. And YAY for 1859 guilty pleasure~!

Ciaossu~ RnR please!~


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